found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize