1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
