well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
