There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
