i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
