I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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