Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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