Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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