Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize