And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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