i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
