Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize