I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
