May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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