Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
