I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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