i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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