this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
