Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
