consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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