eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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