brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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