don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Pants are for mortals
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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