I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
