but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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