I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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