i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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