i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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