all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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