What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
