Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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