peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
