I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
