Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
