bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Actions speak louder than pants.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
