it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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