Whod you bang
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
