Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
