Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
