I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
