Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize