she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
