If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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