i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
