I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
