I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
