my sisters under your porch take her home
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
