Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
they need to just BURY HIM!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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