I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
