You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
