my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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