You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
