I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
