my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
A bitchslap is in order.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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