sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
