he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
