so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
