we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
