Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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