if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize