rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize