My first STD was from a foam party
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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