I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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