I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
