id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
