If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize