I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
