just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
