to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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