there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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