there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
