Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
