he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
