I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
