I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
