In the future we'll all be gay
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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