So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
