Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
