meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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