Tell her she can't have a vagina
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
