I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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