Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
