I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
