You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
