the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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