Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
