You work out of a Hotel?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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