they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
