Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
