Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
