youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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