The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
