OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so explain again why im purple
no
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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