Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
