O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
