accomplished twins. life is a go
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
