bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize