Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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