Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
