We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
