very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
