dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
