Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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